Easter is upon us, bitch, and as you might suspect

I ain’t out celebratin’ Jesus bein’ RESURRECT

While all you kids are mackin’ on your Peeps and chocolate eggs

I’ll eat some mandel bread at home and shavin’ my JEWISH LEGS

While you don your Lilly Pulitzer and patent leather shoes

I will celebrate a different day with my fellow Jews

It’s a very special holiday, can you tell me which?

Toss that bread out the window cuz IT’S PASSOVER, BITCH!

So for the next week you bet yo ass I am goin’ to be

One of them bitches who’s all, “UMMMM…Is this gluten-free?”

So gather all around, all my sisters and brothers,

And I’ll tell you why this night is so much DIFFERENT THAN THE OTHERS

We tell the tale of our escape from the Pharaoh and some haters

We still eat and still complain but we call these dinners SEDERS

Our people fled from Egypt thanks to locusts and some frogs

So that their greatgreatgreatgreat granddaughter could write some RAPPING BLOGS

And Pharoah had some boils and noone could diagnose it

Cuz the Jewish doctors LEFT and now we laugh and eat CHAROSET

They had to flee the land with just the matzo on their backs

Bitch, you know those were my ancestors, WE ALWAYS CARRY SNACKS

It was one long-ass journey, through the desert they were roamin’

And as we read about it someone hides the afikomen

And the kids all run to find it, hopin’ they will be the winner

Leave it to us Jews to MAKE SOME MONEY DURING DINNER

And the Jews escaped to freedom and were filled with such elation

So we celebrate with matzo and a week of constipation

And we laugh and eat and every year the brisket gets much chewier

So it kinda is like other nights, but better, and much Jewier

So no matter what you celebrate, please enjoy your day-ach

And if you see a Jew, you wish that bitch a CHAG SAMEACH.

word.