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Hanukkah, Bitch.

While Santa hits the skies to deliver gifts with Blitzen

My people are in Boca, complaining that they’re schvitzin’

And they’re slappin on some lotion, cuz their eczema, it itches

Yes, even though it’s Christmas, it’s still HANUKKAH, BITCHES!

So set aside your presents, step away from them trees

And celebrate for Judah and the fuckin’ Maccabees

Because without them Maccabees, we would all be pagan

And there would be no Hanukkah for Judge ELENA KAGAN

All because these Jewish boys defeated Greeks and Syrians

So their children could be doctors up at New York Presbyterian

They had one night of oil, they were running out of luck,

But it burned for eight whole nights and Judah’s all like, “HOLY FUCK”

So while you get that egg nog, and youre fillin’ up your cup

I’ll grab my menorah and I’ll LIGHT THAT FUCKER UP

And then I’ll spin a dreidel and I’ll win some gelt, it’s funny–

Leave it to us Jews to make our chocolate look like money

So don’t give me no fruitcake, I assure you I will toss it

Just give this bitch a latke and I’ll fuckin’ APPLESAUCE IT

Go open up your presents, I hope they are insane

I’ll be at the movies and then eating some lo mein

I wish a Happy Hanukkah to all you girls and boys

And of course a Merry Christmas goes out to all you goys

word.

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4 responses to “Hanukkah, Bitch.

  1. Well, we’re off to a great start, because that was flippin’ hysterical! Loved it! LOL 🙂 Thanks for liking my post “Worst Date Ever”. Hell, I’m not gonna just like your post here, I’m gonna pull the trigger and start following you! (in a strictly virtual sense – and glad I made that clear) Lol – Thanks for the laughs!

  2. Michael Dorris ⋅

    Hey Jap Rap, here’s what I felt
    You’ve been messing with my Hanukkah gelt
    Eat your lo mein and pizza with tomatoes
    I’ll be eating my latkes made with Idaho Potatoes
    And as for the elderly chillin in the State of Sunshine
    You might be Jap Rap but the blog called What Up Girl is mine.

  3. This is hilarious! Thanks for sharing and thanks for stopping by Travel Oops! Steph

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