Learn the Trade, Bitch.

Yo New York City is that kind of a town

With lots of places to go when you feel like gettin’ down

They’ve got lounges and bars and clubs with bottle service

But slutty girls and sparklers make me ITCHY and NERVOUS

The drinks there are expensive and the bathrooms always dirty

I prefer somewhere clean and much more Hawaiian shirty

So when I wanna hang with my bitches and hoes

I grab my canvas bags and I head to TRADER JOE’S

I walk in the door and I get the party started

There’s no bouncer, but a GREETER and he gets me SHOPPING CARTED

I get on my way and I tell my husband SEE YAS

Cuz mama’s gotta get some fuckin’ whole wheat tortillas

The guy stocking yogurt is kinda a putz

I’ll come back and get it later and I’ll stock up on some NUTS

Then this little Jew girl really thinks she’s seein’ Jesus

When I get to the wall of AFFORDABLE CHEESES

Then the snack food aisle makes all the bitches horny

I get peanut butter pretzels and all CRAZY KETTLE CORNEY

There’s shampoo for your hair, for your feet they’ve got pumice

But the real shiznit is that HORSERADISH HUMMUS

Yogurt! There you are! I will come and I will get you!

Don’t you DARE think for a second that I’d ever forget you

I get all the new items cuz I love me some change

Then get a dozen eggs WHAT WHAT FREE RANGE

The fun doesn’t stop even when I’m in line

A pound of dark chocolate for A DOLLAR NINETY-NINE

And so I wait my turn and I’m admiring my load

And they ring their little bells


We get up to the front and I jump and celebrate

And they wave the little flag and tell me LINE 28

We go to check out, the guy scans my chicken patty

And my husband rolls his eyes cuz this dude’s OVERLY CHATTY

He talks about each item and it kinda takes forever

But I don’t mind a bit, thank you, TRADER JOE’S TREVOR

The bill is so cheap and my husband is stoked

Bitch, I need a cigarette and I ain’t NEVA even smoked

So we got enough food to fill an auditorium

Bitch I’m never goin’ back to fuckin’ Food Emporium