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Nudity, Bitch.

YO I gots a problem to tell you about

It occurs at the gym when I finish working out

Now when I’m at the gym, kids, I follow the laws

I  put my shit in a locker and wear MULTIPLE bras

I handle myself with poise and with grace

And don’t scatter Lululemon ALL OVA the place

So after I’m done, I gots to go to my locker

And each time I do, son,  I am in for a SHOCKER

The NAKEDEST OLD LADY that you ever saw

Stands right there at my locker, no underwear, no bra

She gets right up there close to me, I know this will be trouble

Bitch, when you are nude you need a BIGGER SPACIAL BUBBLE

I gesture at a towel, suggesting she should try it

But she’s all, “Oh no thank you, dear,” she’d rather just AIR DRY IT

I need to get away, so I go get myself some tissues

And I think to myself, I’ve got major naked issues

Yeah, nudity’s always been a problem for me

It dates back to overnight camp at the CLEVELAND JCC

Of course we were in bunks, everything was done tribunally

Even when we showered, bitch, we just showered all communally

When I came home at the end, my was like, “What reeks?”

Cuz I didn’t take my swimsuit off for SIX ENTIRE WEEKS

We had to shower all together, so I wore it for protection

Yes instead of bein naked, bitch, I risked a YEAST INFECTION

So fast forward to this locker room, she’s naked, right? You got that

And each and every time this crazy bitch just wants to chat

We talk about the spinning class, complain about the weather

We end up spending 10 or 15 minutes there together

My eyes just dart around cuz I’m tryin not to stare

At her wrinkly old bosoms, just floppin in the air

She’s older than Miss Daisy was, when Morgan Freeman drove her

And the worst of it occurs when this bitch turns and bends right over

To compensate I cover up myself in twenty towels

Cuz she’s still there all naked and I’m staring up her bowels

So it’s more than just the nudity, and how this bitch displays it

It’s just that she has a welcome and she NAKED OVERSTAYS IT

So I gather my belongings cuz I gots to be escaping

And I notice that by 70, folks stop their LADYSCAPING

I go to walk away and I hang my head in sorrow

So the nudity is over, well, at least until tomorrow

I zip my jacket all the way, putting on my hood

And I just can’t help but think that that bitch looked real fuckin good

So I guess I’ll just get over it, although it may be yucky

If I look like her at 70, I’ll be real fuckin lucky

I got back to my apartment and I made myself some food

And I wrote this little rap, and I did it in the nude

word.

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One response to “Nudity, Bitch.

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