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My View, Bitch.

Yo recently we moved, I’m not sure if you knew

From our first New York apartment with a stunning river view

And we quickly learned our view of New York living was quite slanted

Cuz we took that river view of ours TOTALLY FOR GRANTED

Sure it’s nice to see the sun as if it’s rising just for you

And to watch the boats sail by in the East River, oh so blue brown

But we fell into a habit there, it hardly is a crime

Bitch, we were MOTHA FUCKIN NAKED ALL THE MOTHA FUCKIN TIME

I would wake up every morning, watch the sunrise in euphoria

Nobody could see me (‘cept for sections of Astoria)

I’d drink a cup of coffee and I’d even shake a titty

That was my morning ritual GOOD MORNING NEW YORK CITAAYY

The nearest building was a hospital which hardly was in sight

There was a SLIGHT chance they could see me if my light was on at night

But the chances were so small, that I’d kinda just ignore it

If a patient caught a glimpse of me, no one  was worse off for it

I pretended like that hospital that sorta was in view

Was the one Macaulay Culkin helped in Home Alone PART TWO

I had no turtle doves to give them, but I always was undressed

So every Christmas I’d be sure to flash my DUNCAN’S TOY CHEST

I have a decent rack, and I’m not saying it to gloat

If the sick folks saw, I was FULFILLING MY MITZVOT

Now our new place is real nice and great, please don’t get me wrong

But don’t it always seem to go? (Like in that Joni Mitchell song)

When we are naked and we look out on what used to be the water

Now there’s a family staring back, a mom and dad, a son and daughter

The dad saw me the first time, I wasn’t sure how to behave

I thought, I hadn’t met them yet, I might as well just wave

The nanny and the girl saw my guy and were offended

Old habits do die hard, (let’s say that pun was not intended)

They were sitting at the table doing homework–long division

But she got a bonus lesson plan on Jewish circumcision

The mother saw me once, and she ran away quite frantic

She had never seen a chest that was so Jewishly gigantic

I am trying to improve, but now and then I’m found

So my newest plan of action is to drop right to the ground

There’s nowhere else to hide in that lapse of self control

So I make like a fire drill and  STOP DROP AND ROLL

For them it’s better than a river view, Hudson River’s septic

It’s more fun to watch their neighbor who’s a NUDIST EPILEPTIC

But just the other day, bitch, I think I learned my lesson

When I saw the dad across the way, openly undressin’

And from that point on, I changed my ways, I don’t need no adjustin’

Cuz bitch, I tell you, what I saw was really damn DISGUSTIN’

So I may not have my river view, that chapter sadly ends

But I have my ugly naked guy, LIKE MONICA ON FRIENDS

He’s clothed right now, and he just waved, he caught the look I shot him

Little does he know, I’m fuckin’ naked on the bottom

word.

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